When we were expecting our second child, there were moments when I looked at my precious first born and wondered if it was possible to love another quite as much.
I now know that it is. That two children could more than fill your heart beyond its capacity for loving another. And yet, at the same time, I have come to realise that while there is twice the love to go around, there is but only half the time. And it's a constant struggle to keep the balance equal.
The truth is, I don't spend as much time with Naomi as I want to.
When Noey was a tot, I woke up every morning when he woke, changed nearly every diaper, and fed him every milk feed, and put him down for every nap when I was at home. When he moved to solids, DD and I alternated feeding him and reading to him during mealtimes. We also frequently gave him his baths.
With Naomi, a lot of these duties are taken care of by my helper. Especially in the mornings when I have to get Noey up, dressed, fed and ready for school, not to mention physically drive him to school (on time!) myself. They wake up around the same time and with limited time to make it out the door, I focus on Noey while leaving Naomi to my helper. And for the rest of the day? Noey is the one with the homework which I have to help him with, and the classes which I have to drive him to, so he ends up with more of my attention. Doesn't help that he's also naturally extremely sticky to me!
I'm working to shift the balance more by bringing Naomi out with me more often. I've also started trying to bring her regularly for walks -- just her and me. Sometimes we go in the morning after I've dropped Noey off in school and DD off at work, sometimes we go in the evening when Noey is having a class.
I've been enjoying it. She's at a stage when she's developing so fast cognitively and it's a joy to be able to engage her and hear what she has to say when she's not being drowned out by her bigger and louder brother. There are plenty of gems too.
Me: "Wow, look Meips! those are giant lily pads!"
Nomi: "No! Not lily pads!"
Me: "Then what do you think they are?"
Nomi: "Pies?"
Oh Meips, it's just like you to have food on your mind all the time!
It's definitely twice the joy, having two around. I just have to find the right balance so that they both know it too.
Totally agree.
ReplyDeleteWhen I mentioned this to a mum of 3, saying that I'd have to divide my time by 3 if I had 3, she said no, when I'm with three of them, they each get 100% of me, not a-third. Mmmmm... interesting, and guess it could work to a certain extent, e.g. if we were all engaged in the same board game...?
Agree too, love doubles but time halves. My case is actually opposite, I've been spending so much time with my newborn #2, changing her every diaper, feeding her every 2-3hours, coaxing her to sleep that I feel like I've less time for my elder kid and while I expect her to understand, it's pretty unfair and I'm trying to find a balance too! Sure we can do it!
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you! I also needed to let my helper do more with Bun, especially after my surgery when I couldn't lift her. Now that I am better, I sat my helper down just two days ago and told her that I will be the one handling Bun, and will let her know specifically when I need her help. So now I bathe her when Bubbles is in school, have her in the car with me when I do the school runs, and yes, like you, take her out for walks and other places (supermarket etc). In the mornings, I change Bun while Bubbles has her milk/breakfast. At night, I now make it a point to give Bubbles an activity to do before putting Bun to sleep. It is tiring though! No joke!
ReplyDeleteSame here. When I only had my boy, I spend lots of time reading and playing with him. Now that I have my girl, I still spend most of my time reading and playing with him, cause he demands for it. And he is not willing to let MeiMei join in at the moment, as she tends to "disturb" more than joining.
ReplyDeleteJust hope for the time where they can finally play together, then I will be able to play with them and spend time with them together.
This is so true. Reminds me of the time when my no.2 was a baby. I had worried that I would have less time for my eldest, but in the end my eldest took up most of my time, leaving my 2nd child mostly under the care of my mum.
ReplyDeleteIt's a skill to find the balance of spending equally quality time with each child, one which I'm still trying to figure out.
I am expecting my second and am so anxious on how I can divide my time between two, especially when I am perfectionist most times. Nice hearing you share!
ReplyDelete