Everyone I meet keeps asking me how it's going. I tell them it's too early to tell, but in all honesty, it's been... FRIGHTFUL.
Haha. I guess the good thing is that I more or less expected it to be tough so it's not as if I was caught by surprise. The truth is that this is a difficult period, which is why I am needed at home. DD has been and will continue to be heavily involved in a matter for the next week and the half, so for the most part, I feel like I've been single parenting most of the past week. Noey's also still, well, being the difficult and developing 3-year old that he is. Yesterday for example, he managed to make a huge mess in the toilet washing his hands and playing with water, and crowned it off by dunking 2 whole unused full rolls of toilet paper into a sink full of water when I walked away to tend to Naomi for a bit. He later also defied my instructions not to run out of the bathroom after his bath and made wet puddles all over the hall. On top of everything, there was a lot of crying, which drives me absolutely bananas.
It didn't help that yesterday I also went to attend an event that reminded me a lot of my old life. (By this I mean the life I had at my first job, pre-marriage, pre-babies.) I sat in the presence of clever people and felt intellectually challenged for the first time in a while. Back at home, sitting at the dining table fighting a losing battle trying to get Noey to stay in his seat and finish his dinner, I did, for a moment wonder what I was doing, getting stuck in this drudgery.
Who are you calling naughty? Us?
The feeling was compounded this morning when I had to send Noey to school early for a concert rehearsal. Upon arriving at his school -- late -- I realised that I didn't dress him in his usual Wednesday PE kit and I had completely forgotten to take his school bag and water bottle along. I then had to double back to send DD to work, then return to his school to hand him his bag and bottle. In the meantime, I kept having to leave Naomi with my helper and she (Naomi, not my helper) was really NOT HAPPY about the fact that Mummy kept walking away. The guilt just piled up every time she howled when I handed her over.
I know it'll be a while before we find our groove.
And despite the hiccups, during those moments when we are able to play and have fun together and everything is at peace, I relish the opportunity to be home with my babies.
Then again, ask me again in 2 weeks how's it's going, won't you? I might be singing a different tune!
"Get me out of here!"
Naomi reading Mummy's mind.
Incidentally, they are 8 months and 3 years 1 month respectively today.
hang in there mummy... it takes time for the kiddos to get used to you being around full time... and for you to establish your SOPs as it were, for daily routine and discipline. And yes, with 2 under 4, well, life is quite challenge. I recall the time I had 3 under 5, and at one stage, I was asked to clean a poopy bum while breastfeeding and trying to keep a 3yo out of mischief... all by myself at home. FUN... :p Plan sanity breaks... and carry a post it pad and pen around in a pocket - stick down notes like what you need heading out the door for school etc as and when as you make your way through the day to serve as reminders. But you need the ultra sticky type, and you need to put it out of reach of grubby fingers. :) which isn't too difficult considering at this stage, grubby fingers don't get anything higher than say, shoulder height? even with aid of a stool? hahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteikwym... it just blows my mind how our peers overseas cope...
ReplyDeletePic of the duo sitting together in the tub is adorable! I can imagine the madness looking after two young kids by yourself - hang in there! Hope you will find your groove soon ;)
ReplyDeleteI get what you mean about feeling intellectually stimulated when in company of clever pple! Being at home gets you stimulation at a different level. I am sure, years down the road, you will not regret spending these precious times with your babies :) hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteI was very encouraged when the HR dir told me she strongly advocates for mothers to take time away from work , to spend with their young children. I guess she did that and was sharing how she was jsut looking thru old videos and she was glad she was there with them, for them.
ReplyDeleteSurely, this would be your story a few years down the road. :)
oh dear poor mummy, hang in there!! and whenever the going gets tough, just take out these cute photos and remind yourself it WILL get better.. it always does :)
ReplyDeletehope your new helper can keep up!!
(PS: I have a bone to pick about concert rehearsals too! i always have SUCH a hard time dragging YK to school early!)
Pat pat... it will get easier I'm sure, as everyone falls into a more predictable routine! Hang in there mummy!
ReplyDeleteOoh I feel your pain, V. I have days like these too that makes me question my decision to stay at home. It's a double edged sword sometimes but some days, after an extremely testing time, seeing how independent and generally well mannered they are (now the they r older) makes me proud. One day at a time. :)
ReplyDeletei'm sure a couple of weeks on, the decision is probably the best you've made. there will always be time to come back to work later on in life. i am hoping to be able to adjust the work situation next year also; with just 1 and capable help, I still feel pulled in many directions. And I get what you mean about feeling intellectually challenged as I really struggled getting back into the groove (madly searching for precedents to deals I could have sworn I did once upon a time and forgetting things that used to come to me in a snap). take care, and take heart! xx
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