To School Or Not

My dear Noey,

I like watching you sleep. I think that somehow, no matter how big you grow, when you're asleep, I can see you as my baby most clearly. In many ways, you still look the same asleep now as you did as a newborn and I find that very comforting when I look at you.

You are having some fitful sleep tonight -- I think it is a combination of being over-tired, after having skipped your afternoon nap today, and having a little bit of a blocked nose. You've woken up crying twice already tonight and needed both Mummy and Papa to soothe you back to sleep. It's just as well that I'm having lots of thoughts on my mind and have not been able to fall asleep just yet, so I am up instead, writing to you and keeping an eye on you as you sleep on the floor.

It's a privileged position that you have for now, Noey, with both your Papa and I being able to devote all our attention to you and you solely, whenever you need it. Things are going to change next year when your Mei-Mei arrives. I know it, and I know you know it too. In the recent weeks, all your self-initiated comments about your Mei-Mei have been antagonistic. They frequently revolved around comments of how we should "ding Mei-Mei into the light", or "drop Mei-Mei on the floor", or "bang Mei-Mei into the wall", and once you told me to "take out Mei-Mei's eyes and nose, and Mei-Mei will be ugly". I know it's just you reacting to the impending change and we have never scolded you for saying such things, but only told you not to repeat what you said, and pointed out that you wouldn't like to have such things done to you. You always pause to take this in and I believe you understand. Still, being a Gor-Gor will be a bit of an adjustment and I am always turning over in my head how to best thing help you with that.

Recently Mummy has been re-thinking about whether we made the right decision not to send you to school next year. This is especially so because I've been getting advice from other Mummies (and Mummies with more than one baby at that) that it would be easier to send you to school before your Mei-Mei comes, to give you time to adjust and also allow me more time to manage your new Mei-Mei when she arrives. I don't doubt their good intentions and I know their advice is well meant. But your Papa and I have talked about your schooling before your Mei-Mei came into the picture and we both agreed that we do not want you sent to school in January when you are barely 2. There are many reasons for this but chiefly, it's because at this tender age, we want you at home, close by me. I want to know what you're doing and be the one to teach and correct you at this age when you are most impressionable. We want to get your value system right. This is something that is important to me and your Papa.

All this doesn't mean that I don't sometimes think that I might be being a bit foolhardy about the whole affair. I don't know what it would be like to have 2 young children at home. I'm not sure if having you around and otherwise unoccupied would be a good idea for you or for me. And these earnest recommendations from other Mummies, they weigh on my mind.

In a moment of doubt today, I asked your Papa what he thought and he said that it ultimately should be about whether it was in your best interest to send you to school. Put that way, I think the answer for us is: no school, not just yet. I don't think we have to worry about you learning, seeing how you effortlessly learn-on-the-go at home. As for the much vaunted social aspect, we have friends, and I think Mei-Mei will force you to develop sharing/caring skills, whether you like it or not. And at this age, I think independence is overrated. Hey, we're only just working on getting you out of diapers! Anyway, it is only for a year -- you will, in all likelihood, be going to nursery the following year.

I know there will be other moments of self-doubt. Such is the life of a Mummy -- where your decisions have much greater repercussions. And at the end of the day, this is not cast in stone. We will look at the situation as it develops and adopt the solution that seems most appropriate as we go along. But know that all decisions that we take will always be what we believe to be best for our family and for you.

Loving you always,
Your Mummy.